Lionel is on the last step of building his wine-rack and he reads the instructions: "Finally, tighten screw D and your wine-rack is ready for use." I'm not sure if he tightened it before this episode began, but I'm sure I didn't seem him actually do it after having read those instructions. In any case, he steps back to admire his work, looks pleased with himself and slides a bottle of wine into the rack. It remains upright all of 2 seconds and then collapses, as his luck would have it, just before Jean walks into the kitchen. She does her best to keep from laughing, but fails. "Don't hold back on my account," he says. Jean tells him that she really doesn't know why he continues to get involved with these things. She informs him that Harry's there -- he's come to take Sandy to the pictures. 
She tells him that he should come into the living room -- it's only right to say "good evening," and they still don't know very much about him. He knows what she's trying to get him to do and he's resigned to entertaining her whims. It's going to be one of those good evenings in which he's going to have to try to get all the autobiographical information he can squeeze in before Sandy's ready. She thinks he's being sarcastic when he says as much and threatens him with telling everyone about the collapse of his wine-rack. He sees the light and gets up. "And no police jokes," she says as she leaves the kitchen. To which he mimes a police siren: wah-wah, wah-wah, wah-wah. She sticks her head back in and gives him a dirty look.
Jean and Lionel walk into the leaving room where Harry is seated. He gets up and says "Evening, Sir." Lionel greets him with the traditional police greeting "Evening, All." Jean gives him another dirty look. He rephrases it -- "evening, Harry." He tells Harry not to call him "Sir" because it makes him feel like a suspect. "Just call him Handy Andy," 
Jean tells Harry and gives Lionel a "so there" look. Harry's puzzled, but Jean tells him it's a private joke. She offers him a drink, but he says no because he's driving. Lionel wants one, though. Jean walks to the bar area to make the drink and motions to Lionel to ask Harry about himself. Lionel asks him what made him join the police force. He says that his father advised him to join. Jean tells Lionel that it's nice to find a man who takes advice from his father, but Harry says that he didn't -- he joined the army instead. Lionel asks if he was in the military police. 
No, he was with the Royal Engineers for three years. When he came out though, he thought that working as a policeman sounded like a worthwhile job and it really turned out to be, on the whole. Jean wants to talk more about Harry, but Lionel asks him if he watched last Saturday's Rugby match. He didn't because he had a game of his own. Lionel remembers. Harry says that he taped it though. That pack! Lionel agrees. And those backs! Lionel agrees again. Jean interrupts -- she wants to know what Harry's chance of getting a promotion might be. He tells her that he's taking his sargeant's exam next year and.... Sandy walks in and interrupts him.
Sandy tells him she's sorry to keep him waiting. He gets up and looks at her, saying it was worth it. Lionel says "What about that last quarter?" Harry sits down looking like he's more than willing to discuss that last quarter with him, but Sandy asks if they should go. He says yes and gets up to go. He turns around, bends at the knees, salutes and says "Evening all." Lionel and Jean both laugh and tell them to have a good evening.
"What a nice lad!" Lionel tells Jean. She isn't pleased: what about the pack, what about the backs, what about that last quarter? Lionel doesn't understand what she means. "He likes Rugby so he's a nice lad?" she asks. Lionel assures her that there's nothing wrong with liking Rugby. She tells him there's nothing wrong with it, but it's a shallow judgment. He wonders what her deep judgment might be. She tells him that he is a nice lad. Lionel's satisfied: "There you are!" She insists that they still don't know very much about him. They hear Judy at the door. Lionel says he's going to get up and put the wine rack away. Judy walks into the living room as he's leaving. She ask if he's made his wine rack. "Nearly," he tells her -- he's just going to finish now. When he leaves Judith says "he can't get it together, can he?" Jean tells her he got it together -- it just won't stay together.
Jean points out that Judith's late. She says she's had a lot of catching up to do. She wonders what it's like for her daughter to be running the agency. "Co-running," she reminds her. Judy thinks it's all right, but she doesn't have the natural authority that Jean does. Jean looks rather pleased at the compliment. "Comes with age, I suppose," Judith says. The smile is gone from Jean's face as suddenly as it came. Judith looks out into the hall to see if Lionel's around. He isn't. She comes back in and tells Jean that she had a funny phone call that afternoon. Jean is horrified: "Men like that...." Judith tells her it wasn't that kind of funny phone call. 
It was more mysterious. A man called and asked to speak with Jean. She told him that Jean had retired. "Semi," Jean interrupts. Semi, she agrees. She asked if she could help him, but he said no, that it was a personal matter. So he asked for Jean's home phone number. Jean asks if she gave it to him. She didn't, but she did take his number and he wants her to give him a ring. She takes the paper with his name on it from out of her purse and gives it to Jean. "James Perry," she reads. Judy thinks that was it -- his voice was a bit slurry. Jean doesn't know a James Perry, she says.
She says that she's not in the habit of phoning strange men and with that she balls up the paper and tosses it aside, noting that she's married to one, but doesn't phone them. She gets up and says that she'll start dinner now that Lionel's had enough time to put the bits of his wine rack away. Judith leaves to get changed. Jean's eyes travel back to the paper with the number on it. She bends down to pick it up, looks at it and walks out of the living room.
Lionel's crawling around inside the bedroom closet. 
Jean's growing impatient with him for some reason and asks what he's doing. He tells her that he's looking for a button -- he lost one off his jacket that morning and he thought it might be in there. Jean tells him that things never get lost where you can find them -- they get lost secretively. He seems to have found something and tells her to look. She says she's not climbing in there with him. It's an old penny. He doesn't know how long it's been in there. She wonders if that is an implied criticism of her housework.
It isn't. She says she has an occasional whip-round in there with a feather duster. He tells her that that's a proper coin -- one you couldn't budge with a feather duster. She muses that she used to be able to get into the ladies' room with one of those. He adds that you could buy a bar of chocolate from the machine at the station with a penny. Nestlé's, she says, pronouncing it Nessels. "Nes-lay, now" he tells her. She prefers Nessels. She cuddles up to him and he asks what she's doing. She says she's nestling. They have a good laugh. He continues to talk about what that coin used to buy -- a seat in the stalls at the music hall, a bottle of beer, a tram ride home, a fish and chips supper and you still had a farthing left. "Not if you bought a new hat as well," she observes. They decide to keep it for good luck. They turn off the lights and get under the covers. "Penny," Jean says. Lionel thinks she's talking to him, but she isn't. "Not Perry -- Penny."
Jean and Lionel are walking down the street. She doesn't know why he's "dragging along" with her when she's only doing a bit of shopping. 
When she asked earlier if he was going out he said no. Lionel says he's not "dragging along," he's only trying to keep her company. He asks what shop they're going to. She doesn't answer at first, but sees a sporting goods store and tells him that that's where they're going. He asks what she wants to buy. She answers that she wants tennis balls. He wants to know why. She says she's thinking of taking up tennis. He asks if she needs a racket as well. She can always borrow Judy's. He tells her to c'mon then and starts to walk towards the store. She stops and tells him she also needs to buy some tights. 
She has a plan: he should go buy the tights and she'll go get the tennis balls. He doesn't care for her plan. He knows nothing about buying tights and he doesn't understand why they can't go to both shops together. She points out that he's obviously in one of his argumentative moods. He's not, but he'd sooner buy tennis balls than tights. She tells him to buy the tennis balls, then -- but cautions him to have a good look around instead of buying the first tennis balls he sees. He figured that they were all pretty much the same, but she assures him that isn't the case. She wants to be sure that he asks the assistant to go very fully into the differences. He's surprised that she's so interested considering she's just taking up the game. 
"Lionel, please!" she says, probably about to say again that he's argumentative. Lionel turns to go. She looks pleased with herself and starts to walk into a phone booth. Before she can quite make it, Lionel comes out of the store and asks "how many?" She's transfixed. "What?" He asks again -- how many tennis balls does she want? She tells him to ask the assistant. He goes back in. She walks into the phone booth, pulls a paper from her pocket, looks at it and dials the number. She looks at the sporting goods store and sees that Lionel is still inside. "Hello. James Penny? "Hello James, it's Jean."
Lionel is sleeping on the couch in the living room. Jean walks in and wants to talk with him so she bumps into the couch to waken him. He says "who did?" Jean tells him she wishes he would stop doing that -- waking up from a nap and saying things that make no sense. He tells her he didn't say anything. 
"And then you deny you've ever said anything." He supposes it's the tail end of a dream. That's what Jean finds so irritating: she never finds out the actual end. It's like watching the next-to-last episode of a murder-mystery on television and the inspector says he thinks he knows who's done the murder and she never actually finds out who did it. He doesn't remember what he was dreaming about, but he knows it wasn't murder. He asks when the next Olympic games are -- he figures she must be entering for the 100 meters judging by what happened that morning. He was in the sporting goods shop for 5 minutes and when he came out she was waiting for him, fresh as a daisy. She tells him she's a quick walker. Well, she must have sprinted to get to the shop, buy tights and get back there -- not that she bought any tights. He points out that she didn't have any with her. She says that there's a reason for that: she removed the ones that she was wearing and put the new ones on in the shop. He observes that she didn't seem thrilled about the tennis balls either. She starts to tell him that no-one is thrilled by tennis balls and then starts to feel as though she's being given the third-degree -- she turns it around and asks if something's troubling Lionel.
He tells her that it was her behaviour which troubled him -- it was of the irrational kind. He thinks that means that he knows she's up to something. Jean is happy to hear the front door open. It's Sandy, who has come home by herself because Judy stopped off to do some shopping. She notices strange looks on their faces and asks if she's interrupted something. Lionel informs her that Jean is taking up tennis. She starts laughing until a dirty look thrown her way by Jean shuts her up quickly.
Sandy asks if they know of a fancy dress hire shop around there. Jean tells her there is one around there somewhere. She says that Harry phoned her this afternoon... Lionel interrupts to ask if he calls her Oscar Bravo Delta or anything. Jean tells Sandy to ignore him and go on. It's all very last-minute, but the Rugby Club dance tomorrow now has a theme. Jean thinks it sounds like fun -- what's the theme? St. Trinian's. Jean observes that Lionel's eyes just glazed over at the mention of St. Trinian's. He points to his legs "that would be with the ...." She finishes his sentence "black stockings, yes." 
And he points again "...and the..." She smiles and says that she supposes so. "I see." She asks what he means by that and he tells her he was just thinking. Jean notes that she wouldn't want him to think too long. He gets up and leaves, saying it's really none of his business. Sandy asks what that was all about and Jean says "Let's go and find out." They follow Lionel into the kitchen. "You don't approve, do you?" Lionel tells Sandy that it isn't a question of approval. 
Jean thinks he's in one of his big black hat and white collar moods. He knows what Rugby players can be with a few beers inside them. "Yes, legless," says Jean. "And a bit silly," he adds. And with all the girls dressed like that things could get out of hand. Sandy is flattered that he feels so protective towards her and puts her arms around him and gives him a kiss on the cheek. He tells her not to start that. "Well you are sweet," she says and assures him that it's all harmless fun. Jean agrees: "Just think of all those hairy policemen dressed up as St. Trinian's girls." Sandy corrects her -- only the girls are going as St. Trinian's. Jean asks what the men are going as. She says they're going as policeman. "But they are policemen," Jean tells her. Sandy looks at her strangely. Jean thinks that's a bit of a setup.
Lionel's reading his book in bed. Jean tells him that she wants to explain about what happened that morning -- she's not taking up tennis, she didn't want any tennis balls and she didn't buy any tights. Then what were you doing? She says that she wanted to make a phone call. He doesn't want to state the obvious. She allows that there's a phone in the house, but she couldn't use it because he wouldn't go out so she decided to use a public call box. He doesn't understand why she had to go to such extremes. 
He's not an overly curious person and all she had to do was tell him that she had to make a private phone call and he would have left her to it. She apologizes. He repeats -- he's not an overly curious person. "No, you're not," she says. Again -- not overly curious. There appears to be no way to continue to avoid the issue so she tells him that she got a message from an old friend and you know what it's like when you talk to someone you haven't spoken to in years -- it can be very awkward and stilted and that's why she wanted to make the call privately. "So would you mind if we went out to dinner on Saturday evening?" He tells her he's not very keen on going out on Saturday evenings. "Not us, my friend and I," she says. He doesn't mind. "It is a girlfriend?" First she says yes. Then she says no. Then she tells him she doesn't know why she said yes in the first place. He suggests it might have been a panic attack. She just didn't want him to be worrying. He asks if there is anything to worry about. "Of course not." He tells her that when he said he wasn't overly curious, he didn't mean he was totally devoid of curiousity. She explains that his name is James Penny and she did some business with him when she first set up her agency after David died and then they became quite close friends and then business took him abroad and they lost touch. He points out that it was "a bit like us." She assures him that it was not like them at all and immediately mentions that he can come with them if he likes. He doesn't like -- there's nothing more boring, he says, than listening to other people's reminiscences. She will tell him everything they talk about. "Why not take a tape recorder?" She asks him if he's serious. He wasn't. 
He respects the fact that, apart from the farce with the tennis balls, she's told him the truth about everything. Now if she'd have said they were going away for the weekend that would have been a different story. "Would you have killed him?" she asks. He wants to know how big he is. She tells him he's quite big. "Then I'd have killed you." She laughs and asks him if he's sure it's all right. She offers to give him the name of the restaurant where they'll be going. He doesn't want it. She says that James was a nice man. He wouldn't have expected her to befriend a nasty man. They decide to go to bed and turn out the lights. He tells her that if James had asked her to go away for the weekend he probably would have killed him. Jean laughs and says "how nice." "Then you," he adds. She laughs again -- a very husky, very contagious laugh. Lionel catches it.
Lionel is busy mashing something in the kitchen when Jean comes in and asks him how she looks. Without turning to look at her he tells her she looks fine. He mashes more deliberately. She points out that he's a very violent masher. 
He can't stand lumps, he says. She tells him she won't be late and that he needn't wait up for her. He observes that if she won't be late he won't have to wait up for her. Jean's very uncomfortable about leaving and she walks back to look at what Lionel's preparing. She wants to know how many he's having for dinner. He says it will be just him and Judith. She thinks they'll never be able to eat all that. Sometimes people want second helpings. She says that he can have a fourth and fifth helping with all he's made. She continues to chatter and wonders if this is a good idea, her going -- it was all such a long time ago. "Call it off," he says. She asks if he wants her to call it off. 
He isn't saying that at all. He wants her to do whatever she thinks is best. The doorbell rings and Jean knows it's her taxi. Lionel walks her out of the kitchen and reassures her -- it's just an old friend who wants to see her and she must be curious to see whether he's aged or not. She says she won't be late. As she walks into the hallway she says again that she won't be late -- this time to Judith, who asks her to give him her love.
Jean shouts goodbye to Sandy, who hollers downstairs that she should have a great time. Jean says there's no question about her having a "great" time. She kisses Lionel and walks out the front door. Lionel calls her back by saying that there's just one thing. She looks at him apprehensively. "Don't be late," he says. Jean leaves. Judith tells him that he deserves a drink -- she'll make it because he must be exhausted from all that mashing.
Jean's taxi arrives at the restaurant. She paces outside for a moment, works up her courage to go in, nearly turns around and leaves and then is caught up by a laughing crowd which sweeps her inside. She tells the waiter that she's dining with a Mr. Penny. He seats her at a table for two and says that Mr. Penny has not yet arrived. He takes her drink order. She's uncomfortable. A strange man nods at her.
Lionel's in the kitchen putting dinner in the oven when Judith walks in. 
He asks her if Sandy's still going. He points to his body: "In the...um." She says "Yes, and the..." She nods and tells him that Sandy's getting dressed now. Lionel asks Judith what she meant about "give him my love?" She said she wanted her to give her love to "Uncle James." He's surprised by the "uncle" part. She explains that that's what she used to call him. She was only eight years old and it was nice to call someone uncle when your father's died. "You saw quite a lot of him then?" He wonders how long this lasted. She tells him that he should have asked Jean those questions. He says that he didn't want to seem inquisitive. The doorbell rings and she says that it will be Harry. 
"You will have a word, won't you?" He tells her that just then she sounded like Jean. She observes that that's not such a bad thing. He removes his apron and sits down at the kitchen table. Harry comes in dressed in a theatrical police uniform -- one which made him look like a Keystone Kop. Lionel smiles and tells Harry that he feels better. Harry asks if he was sick. Lionel says that he's relieved because he had the impression that the chaps weren't going to dress up at all and that they were simply asking the girls to wear those outfits with the... " 
He gestures because he's unable to articulate what he thinks the girls might be wearing. And the...?" asks Harry. "Exactly," Lionel says. He didn't think that seemed quite fair. Harry sees what Lionel means. He asks Harry to look after Sandy. Yes, he will, because in that outfit, mind you.... Judith announces Sandy's appearance as a maiden of St. Trinian's. She walks in and says that she decided to go as a Fourth Former. Now Lionel's really relieved. Sandy looks nothing at all like the sexpot he'd envisioned -- she looks a bit like a mischievous schoolgirl.
The waiter asks Jean if she'd like another drink. She gets up and is about to say that she's leaving, but James walks in just then and embraces her. He asks how she is and she tells him that actually she's tired of waiting. 
He tells her he's sorry that he's late, but he had to go to a "cocktail thing." He's very loud and very wired. "Well, well, well," he says and asks her how she is. "Well," she laughs. He asks how Julie is. She corrects him and asks why he suddenly called her. He tells her that it was on impulse -- he's in from Brussels at a conference and it's pretty boring and there isn't much to do in the evening except sit in a rented room and have a drink. He was reading the evening paper and there she was -- or rather, there was the ad for her agency. He called and spoke with a very nice young lady. Jean says that he spoke with Judy. 
He thought Judy was still at school. She asks if he's in some sort of time warp. He lifts his drink and tells her they should "clear the old brain box" and he drinks the drink in one swallow before she can even bring her glass to her mouth. He wants to know if she wants another one. He tries to persuade her. She leans over and tells him she's married. "Of course you are," he says -- an attractive woman like her would have been snapped up years ago. She was going to tell him that she was only recently married, but she reconsiders and says that yes, she's been married for years and years and years. She asks about him. 
He's married, too -- to a Belgian girl, who was quite a decent tennis player in her day. Just between the two of them he says that his wife has a bit of a drink problem. The waiter brings the drinks and menus and James asks him to put a couple of bottles of Chablis on ice. He's rambling more and more, jumping from subject to subject. He begins to repeat himself. He tells her that he works for the European Parliament and rattles off a long title and she tells him that it sounds very grand. He says he's a glorified redcoat, really. He leads quite a social life, but at the end of the day.... Jean thinks they should order. He says he'd rather have another drink. Jean's experienced quite a lot of emotions during this evening. She started out by feeling nervous and then she became impatient and then she seemed to relax and almost began to laugh at James because he was so obviously drunk and his words were so disjointed. 
Now she's beginning to be annoyed. She didn't come out that evening to get drunk, she says. He tells her that she looks fine to him. He hopes she doesn't mind if he drinks. She gets up and asks him to excuse her for a minute. He stands up and asks if he can tell her something funny -- he can't remember if he was in love with her. She walks out of the room. A short while later she comes back in and sees James. He appears to be sitting sound asleep at the table. The waiter intercepts her and says that he'll look after James, but if he were her, he'd shoot off now. She thanks him and leaves.
Lionel's in the living room reading when Jean comes in. 
She gives him a kiss and asks if there's any dinner left. They ate it. She can't believe that they ate all of it. He asks if the dinner wasn't very good. She says that they never got around to dinner. "Lionel, he's a drunk." Lionel asks if he was a drunk when she knew him before. She wants him to credit her with some taste. "He liked the odd glass." Lionel concedes that they all like the odd glass. "What about eggs and bacon?" he asks her. Jean tells him that he just consumed a gargantuan meal. No -- he meant for her. She's not really hungry. "He's sad," she says. Lionel wonders if she means maudlin. She tells him that he's just sad and it was like talking to a rather slurry stranger. By the way, he says, Sandy went as a Fourth Former -- big baggy gym slip and woolly tights. That pleases Jean: "Good for Sandy." She's sorry that he didn't get to peek at the more traditional costume, though. He says he wouldn't have looked anyway. Jean thinks that he's quite remarkable. He tells her that he was lying -- he would have looked. She meant about James. Lionel has shown an amazing amount of self-restraint -- he hasn't pried, he hasn't asked any questions. He assures her that she'd have done the same. No, she wouldn't. Well, maybe not, he says -- but the way he sees it that was part of her life, not part of their life together. "We did have an affair." Lionel asks "what, tonight?" 
No, then. He supposed that she did -- she was a young widow and he wouldn't have expected her to live like a nun. She says that it wasn't a great love or anything. "They don't need to be," he tells her. She looks at him and her eyes widen. "They?" He reminds her that she was on her own for a long while. "Yes, so were you." He gets up and tells her that he thinks he will have that early night. "Lionel?" He says "Goodnight" and walks away. "Lionel?" she says again as she runs out into the hall after him.